1:39
It's a beautiful day.
I've eaten my cereal and my fruit.
I've drank two cups of coffee and two glasses of water.

I need to be careful with the water, you can drink too much and I usually do. It's not so much too much as too much constantly. You fuck your saline and electrolytes, get sick and my eyes start to throb like they may pop out. I think I'm going to make my sandwich. I hate this feeling. I am well aware of the fact that I am doing well and that I am not eating TOO much and that I am okay, but having food in my stomach makes me feel so wretched I want to die. Eat and crave death. Live and crave food. It's so fucked I can't take it.

5:12
I made my sandwich at, like, 3. It was so redic how good it was and ~ as always ~ all I could think of after that was eating more. I'm a flug like that. (Fucking slug. Thank you, I know it's the perfect word for me, it's gross and sloppy and ugly and you can just tell it's fucking fat. I invented it last night as I lay in bed wishing I could be as skinny as a whisper!) I've had water, a lot of water, and I went for a 20 minute walk and a 40 minute bike ride. I feel good. I feel like I might have made the right choice, I might have eaten just enough to move my body, to get through the day, to live just on this side of dead and still not expand. OMG. I pray.

10:35
I should have gone to bed an hour ago. I stuck to my plan 100%, and then I had a bowl of popcorn (100) - because I am weak and gross. I hate me. I am up like 2-4 pounds and I know that is the water I have been drinking, I know with my brain. Only there is this other side, like a shadow and under there I don't know anything other than FUCK I HAVE GAINED I AM A FUCKING LARDY PIG FUCK. I hate me.