160

I am writing that number because I will never see it again.

This summer was a bust BUT starting tomorrow I am going to be me again. The me that folds up and takes no space. The me who gets lost in her jeans and can slip on any little dress. The me who looks sexy in her girlfriends big T-shirt.

I guess I need a PLAN, so here it is:

Breakfast:
8-10am
16oz water
coffee w splenda (25)
16oz water
coffee w splenda (25)
16oz water
full bar (150)*

Lunch:
12:30-2:30
16oz water
broccoli (120)
coffee w splenda (25)
16oz water
apple (80)

Dinner:
16oz water
broth (20)
onion (6)
mushroom (20)
noodles (50)
grapes (60)
16oz water

Snacks:
broth (60)
tea w splenda (25)
tea w splenda (25)

That's 691 calories for the day and I hate that it's that high, BUT I also know I am a fucking fat failure and that I will not be able to eat less MUCH LESS starve like I really should. I want to be 135 by the end of first of December. In reality I want to be even lower. I'm looking at life and there is this big pain in my heart - like it's all wasted. I know that it is only going to hurt more as time goes on but I promised I wouldn't take myself away so I have to turn this into something else. I hope that starving will help. I know that starting to lose is the only way to get closer to starving and I hope I will get there soon... It feels like I am starving anyway, I think that's why I keep eating. Tomorrow I will be the new, teeny tiny me... at least in the inside.